It’s looking like our Christmas baby had better plans to be Baby New Year instead. Already on its own schedule, I’m trying to take this all in stride (and starting to think this child is resembling me more than I’d like to admit).
This week’s doctor’s appointment showed that little progress is being made towards labor and we’re under some limitations timewise. Because Sterling was a C section, a naturally occurring birth has become less of an option with additional risks once we’ve passed the due date (which was six days ago). With stalled progress, we’re headed to the hospital to try and induce in the morning.
This week has been full of emotions. What started with fleeting hope that things begin to progress on their own has started to feel like disappointment as the days pass. I know that “birth plans” are better described as birth intentions… but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a little sense of loss when things don’t go according to your wishes. I’m glad to have had the time to come to terms with our change of plans - knowing that we're heading to the hospital on a schedule instead of the surprise “it’s time” labor (which I was really hoping for this time around). I’m also aware that a C – section is even more likely now and I’m trying to find peace with this as well. The most important thing is for our baby to arrive safely… and let’s be honest, we’re all more than ready for this new family member to just join us! Knowing that tomorrow is the day has also meant that the house is clean, the laundry all done, and every possible to-do has been checked off.
I've almost forgetten that we don’t even know what we’re having yet! Another element of surprise that I’ve loved with both Sterling and this baby is not knowing the gender. Most everything in my life is pre-planned to a “T”. Maybe that’s why I’ve loved keeping this one part of parenthood a mystery until the baby is born. Lately I’ve been more curious about what the baby will look like, will it have a lot of hair, will their personality be like Sterling’s, and really - How big will this baby be?? Having another boy would normally mean that we have our bases covered with baby items from Sterling, but the irony is that they will be born in exact opposite seasons, so from 0 – 12 months, we’ll have to get new seasonally appropriate clothes regardless.
(Everything that is packed for the hospital is gender neutral. The bow or blue will just have to wait until we get home.)
Soon enough this season of waiting will be over. With the clock quickly counting down the hours before we head to the hospital, I’ve tried to spend today as normally as possible, soaking it all in as a family of three: playing with Sterling, cherishing things like nighttime stories and putting him to bed. It's never a guarantee that you'll be able to have anymore children, so I'm trying to remind myself that these could also be the last moments that I’ll be pregnant. I’ve tried to think less about rushing into delivery and cherishing the final day that I have this little one all to myself.
I’m sure that I will all but forget my impatience in a matter of hours and the joy of our new baby will overshadow any anxieties I’ve been feeling. I’m thankful for a supportive husband and family who have shown nothing but kindness to me while I seem to be on a perpetual rollercoaster of emotions. Here’s to kicking off our new year with a big bang!
photos by Matthew Land Studios
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